in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We need to get me chipped asap
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
