The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
