According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
