Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
