My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
