is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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