Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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