im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
