i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
