I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The power of my boobs compel you
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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