Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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