I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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