that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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