fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
