Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
50% drunk capacity currently
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize