i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
