so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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