Having a random hookup so left but love u
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
vagina is talking i cant
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
