eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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