What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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