we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I FOUND THE LEGS
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