i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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