I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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