ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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