and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
