where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
