I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
