i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
