Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
