Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
