So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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