a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
