Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
