I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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