ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
