You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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