I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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