well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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