I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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