i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
