I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
