I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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