it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
