??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
