his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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