it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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