I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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