If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
