wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
