it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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