They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i've created a new STD.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
