Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
