Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize