If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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