Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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