You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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