I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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