I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
