I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
