my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
