I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
