i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
