I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
