So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
