Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
