Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
pray to the hookup gods
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
