My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
