I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
