Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
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