So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
