why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
