I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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